You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
