you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
