I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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