He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
