i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is the high leading the old right now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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