3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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