this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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