Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
