I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No subtext here. People are naked.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
