i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
