Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
