i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
