His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
