Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
