If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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