How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
