Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
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I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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