is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
