i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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