I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
