"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
