Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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