Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
