shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
