Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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