My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
