Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
