It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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