if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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