so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
