You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
