Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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