i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
