sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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