i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
