So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
