lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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