You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
