hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
