This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We need to get me chipped asap
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
