i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
