Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
