There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
