and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
