if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
