i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
