so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
