me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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