They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
