Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
