Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize