woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
