Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
