Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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