I have demons in me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
