You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
