maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
