Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
