Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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