I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
