As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila