For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.