it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The dick lei will go down in squad history
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.