Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.