Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
worst night to have a conscience
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.