So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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