He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
