epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
