We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
