You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
