Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize