this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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