Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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