Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
