You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
