i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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